Take A ‘Fart Walk’ This Thanksgiving. These Foods Produce The Most Gas

I know, I know. The words “good time” and “fart” usually do not go well together—with an emphasis on the word “usually.” But this Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, may be a very good time to go on what’s been called a “fart walk.”

What Is A Fart Walk

Back in February in Forbes, I already did a full release on what a fart walk is and how it can benefit you any time of the year. That article came out soon after Valentine’s Day, which may not be the best day to keep tooting your own horn, at least not in that manner. Thanksgiving is a different situation, though. You are presumably going to be eating a rather big meal—potentially the biggest meal of the year. So going on a fart walk during and after that meal could be an especially good thing to do.

Briefly, a fart walk is basically when you go for an extended walk—meaning further than between the couch and the toilet—long enough to get your gastrointestinal tract moving more. A GI tract in motion means better digestion and less accumulation of gas. And in the end, such motion means more butt cheek squeaks, otherwise known as farts. Moving your body more will also keep your blood circulating and your muscles using sugar for fuel, resulting in better regulation of your blood sugar levels. So, there are multiple reasons to move until the cheese is cut and cut and cut—again and again and again.

What Thanksgiving Foods Produce The Most Gas

Now, you may be wondering what Thanksgiving foods are most likely to cause you to become Stinker Bell. Well, anything with a lot of fiber, starch, sugar or sugar alcohol can do it. Then there’s anything dairy, which can be a daily dairy concern if you are lactose intolerant in any way. Alcohol can irritate your GI tract as well, resulting in, gee what, oh gas. Finally, anything with air bubbles can—surprise, surprise—give you gas since you are literally swallowing and giving yourself gas.

So, keeping in the mind the above, here’s a list of common Thanksgiving items most likely to bring the bottom burps:

• Green bean casserole: If this casserole is how you roll, expect some air going out the hole. Any bean there, done that is going to have quite a lot of fiber. But this dish also may serve you the cream in the cream of mushroom soup and fried onions, both of which can cause a rooting tooting time.
• Macaroni and cheese: This holiday cheer could really get things out of your rear, too, given the starch in the pasta and the dairy with the cheese
• Cruciferous vegetables: OK, you probably don’t typically say, “Pass the cruciferous vegetables, please.” Cruciferous vegetables belong to the Brassicaceae family and are called cruciferous because the plants have four-petaled flowers that resemble crosses. But you may be wondering what this botany lesson has to do with your bottom. Well, cruciferous vegetables tend to be high in fiber, which is good for your health but not so good for anyone next to you who can smell. Examples of cruciferous vegetables are Brussel sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli and turnips.
• Sweet potatoes and yams: This may require some mannitol-splaining. Sweet potatoes and yams contain both a sugar called fructose and a sugar alcohol called mannitol, the fermentation of which by your gut bacteria can produce, guess what, gas.
• Marshmallows: Putting marshmallows on sweet potatoes is basically putting sugar on more sugar.
• Mashed potatoes: This can be a monster mash as in giving you monster farts if along with the starch from the potatoes you add lots of dairy, such as cream, butter and milk.
• Stuffing: Want to be stuffed with air? Try some very starchy stuffing.
• Cranberry sauce: You know that Def Leppard song, “Pour Some Sugar on Me?” Well, that’s how you make cranberry sauce—pouring on lots of sugar.
• Seltzer and soda: Drinking such carbonated beverages can make you “air” on the side of flatulence.
• Beer, wine and spirits: Yep, these things have alcohol, These can also have bubbles too.
• Fruitcakes: If you do go nuts and eat too much fruitcake, you could end up eating quite a lot of dried fruit that has reasonably high sugars and fiber content. Fruitcakes can be infused with alcohol too, adding to the pooting potential.
• Hot dogs: Hot dogs can make you gassy with its high fat content slowing down digestion allowing more fermentation to occur in your gut, its preservatives that can irritate your digestive tract, its high sodium content that can lead to water-retention and bloating and its ultra-processing that includes harder to digest ingredients. But one big question may be is why the heck are you eating hot dogs for Thanksgiving dinner?

How To Take A Fart Walk On Thanksgiving Day

Given all the flat-out flatulence that all of these different dishes can produce plus the overeating with lots of accompanying air swallowing that typically occurs, you may want to slip in some fart walks into the Thanksgiving festivities. This doesn’t necessarily mean prop up a treadmill right next to the dinner table and say something like, “OK, Graham, since you just ate so much graham cracker stuffing, you are next up there.”

One thing you can do is build a fart walk into your Thanksgiving festivities. You don’t necessarily have to call it a fart walk if you really don’t want to do so. Regardless, it’s about getting everyone to go on a group walk outside for at least 30 minutes. Alternatively, you can hold some other type of group physical activity as long as it is not so intense that people start getting upset stomachs. Oh, and make sure there is enough ventilation for obvious reasons.

If you can’t get others to go on a fart walk with you, you could always DIY it, meaning do it yourself. You could stand up and announce, “I am going on a fart walk” and then walk away like one of those English Beefeater guards who are usually stationed outside Buckingham Palace. Or you could think of some excuse to slip out for the fart walk like, “I need to check my car to make sure no one’s in the back seat.”

If you absolutely cannot leave the premises or somehow can’t go on a fart walk, try to keep in motion throughout the day. Don’t the whole time reclining on the couch with your hand under your pants or dress waistline. Move amongst the other guests to socialize. Help with the cooking, serving and clean-up of the food. If you are playing games or singing karaoke after dinner, try to do your best David Lee Roth impression and move as vigorously as you can.

The only drawback of a fart walk or any other type of active motion is that you may not know what may come out in the end. But this is not the time to fear the fart. Instead, have a good time farting and Happy Thanksgiving.