TikToker Goes Viral With 5 Things Not To Say During Sex

When you are having sex with someone, do you have that person’s back? Not in a dirty way but a supportive and encouraging way? Well, on TikTok, people have been posting the top five things that people can say in bed to talk their partners through sex. But when @sirdoglord mentioned this trend in a TikTok video and said, “I thought I would contribute mine,” what she listed flipped everything on its back. Her post, which has already garnered over 1.6 million views and over 1680 comments, was presumably tongue-in-cheek and offered the following five things that you actually may not want to say in bed:

1. “Why are you breathing so hard?”

This could be equivalent to saying, “Are you freaking out of shape” or “Can you not keep up with me?” When there’s no genuine concern for the other person’s well being, this isn’t a very nice thing to say. On the other hand, this could be a legitimate question, as breathing difficulties could be a sign of legit respiratory problems like an asthma attack or accidentally (or deliberately) inhaling a condom. It could be evidence of cardiovascular issues such as a heart attack as well. Alternatively, the person could simply be not prepared for the level of vigor that you might expect.

Therefore, communication and coordination are important throughout sex. If you are not that familiar with each other, go slowly and be open about where you want to go in order to find good mutual ground. Don’t jump right into a tough sexual position like the “Suspended Scissors” until both of you are ready. After all, weren’t you always told never to run with scissors?

2. “Are you almost done?”

Patience is a virtue in many arenas, including sex. But if you have a train to catch, cookies to rescue from the oven or some other reason to rush, asking “are you almost done” or pointing to your watch could come across as insensitive. To avoid such situations, make sure that you communicate throughout so that you can have a better sense of where each of you happens to be in the whole process. And remember just because you don’t climax and get done together doesn’t mean that you can’t both have fun.

3. Look of disgust

This wasn’t a specific phrase but instead a look (see above), and it wasn’t a look of love. Such looks can be quick instinctual reactions that aren’t easy to govern. Trying to suppress it can make it look even worse, given you that constipated look. How you handle this can depend on the nature of your connection. If this is a one night stand, then maybe the two of you are just a bad match. If on the other hand, the two of you are in a longer-standing relationship like friends or more, it’s better to openly communicate about what specifically caused that reaction. Otherwise, the other person may have noticed your look and keep wondering what prompted it.

4. “Is this amount of sweat normal, have you talked to a doctor?”

Sweating is a normal part of sex and any vigorous physical activity, hence the 1990 hit song “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)” by C+C Music Factory. Sweat, also known as perspiration, is the body’s natural way of cooling off, as the sweat glands located in the dermis layer of the skin secrete water containing salts, vitamins, minerals, proteins, and amino acids that can help dissipate heat when it evaporates. Someone who doesn’t sweat at all during what should be very vigorous sex may have anhidrosis, where the sweat glands aren’t functioning properly, or just not be trying that hard, especially if the person happens to be ironing a shirt at the same time.

But excessive sweating can be a sign of a medical issue like heart problems, low blood sugar, hyperthyroidism or infections like the flu or tuberculosis. Certain medications like antidepressants and beta blockers can cause sweating too. The culprit can also be stress and anxiety, which never occurs before and during sex, right?

Then there’s hyperhidrosis, which is when a person in general sweats more than what’s considered normal. This can occur in largely one part of the body like the armpits or in various parts of the body. A doctor can diagnose hyperhidrosis via a history, physical and two tests: a starch iodine test and a vapometer. Hyperhidrosis can be hereditary. It can also result from the aforementioned issues if they are chronic. Other possible causes are gout, alcoholism, spinal cord problems or menopause.

Since you probably don’t bring a vapometer to your sexual encounters, it may be difficult to tell what should be considered normal versus excessive sweat. Therefore, if you are genuinely concerned about your partner, you can be open about your concerns as long as you come across as genuine and not judgmental.

5. “Is this your first time?”

The answer to this question must be “yes” once by definition. If the other person happens to be new to the game and you’ve got more experience around the base paths so to speak, then consider talking the other person through everything. Working together openly and honestly can help you both get hits.

This question becomes more of a problem when the other person believes himself or herself to be a seasoned veteran and you are thinking “rookie.” Such a question then can be akin to “You kind of suck” and not in a good way. Moreover, just because your partner is not doing what you need doesn’t necessarily mean the person has no experience.

It’s possible that the person may be accustomed to doing things differently or hasn’t done it in a while.

Asking such questions in the midst of intimacy indicates a breakdown in communication. It’s important for anyone new to the experience to be honest about it beforehand. Otherwise, their lack of experience will become apparent during the act. Therefore, it is beneficial for both parties to openly share their backgrounds and perspectives.

If you’re not enjoying the experience, communicate to the other person what could enhance the situation. For instance, you can guide them by saying, “Not there, but here instead,” or provide positive feedback rather than criticizing their actions, such as saying, “Try this instead of that.”

These five points mentioned by @sirdoglord are not the only remarks that may be said during intimacy. Commenters on the TikTok post shared additional statements like “We can pause if you need a break,” “Do you always make that expression?” and “Is that all?” This serves as a reminder that effective communication is vital in intimacy. Good intimacy involves mental, emotional, and verbal coordination in addition to physical coordination. If the focus is solely on the physical aspect, you may end up feeling unsatisfied with the experience.